six…seven.5.17

Somewhere in Brooklyn


Be You

...

Let Me Explain — Bryson Tiller

 

Wednesday

 

Are millennials in real relationships?

Single

With the surge of social media and online dating, it seems almost impossible to be in a “traditional” relationship. Some years ago, I wrote a Facebook post stating that I could never date a man with social media. In 2017, while this still stands true, a decision like this would leave me with really slim pickings.

So, what’s a twenty-something woman to do?

Settle

Some women, and men, may choose to turn a blind-eye to their partner’s online life.

Ever find yourself spending time with your special someone, and instead of conversing with you, s/he’s sitting at the far end of the room, eyes glued to the phone screen, thumb slowly scrolling up and down? I can’t be the only one who’s experienced this.

Instead of speaking up to remind him of your presence, you sit idly by until he’s ready to connect with the real-life human in front of him.

Settling cannot last if you’re trying to be a part of a healthy, long-term relationship.

Playing the role of the “cool girlfriend” is a mask.

Set & Maintain Standards

If you’re in a long-term relationship, it may be difficult to start setting standards out of the blue. It may also be difficult if you’re in an open/non-commited relationship. If you find yourself in the latter situation, I’d urge you to truly evaluate your relationship. Ask yourself, “Is this the person for me?”, “Can I build a future with him?”. I’ve asked myself these questions, and of course there’s a constant battle between my brain and my heart.

This approach would work best for the assertive type. Being assertive grants you a certain level of comfortability during moments when you need to speak your mind.

What’s your main purpose for being so present on social media?

Do you plan on using them forever?

I can’t see myself settling down with someone who gives more conversation and attention to a girl on the internet than to me. Do you have any thoughts?

I’d caution that when having this type of conversation, be sure to know your man. Some may choose to avoid, so be sure to have a face-to-face conversation, as opposed to one through text. Or, he may be the defensive type. Irregardless of his response, what ever he says or does will give you better insight into your relationship.

Negotiate

If you’re more of the understanding type, you may opt to negotiate with your partner.

I understand that you come from a big family and value your friendships, but I need you to respect me and our relationship. Can you spend time with me without constantly scrolling through your IG feed?

In most cases, this will probably be the best approach. The only way this can truly work is if he can be trusted.

Well, can he?

Stay Single!

Through the years, I’ve found myself becoming more and more pessimistic. Most relationships that I’ve experienced, or witnessed, have failed.

I don’t believe in marriage.

I’m not sure if I have unrealistic expectations, or have not yet found the one, but I simply cannot give my heart — my life, to another human being.

I’ve been the jealous, insecure, and snooping girlfriend, and I certainly am not interested in having to investigate my partner’s every move.

It seems that most relationships have some degree of openness, leaving me to wonder,

What does being ‘single’ even mean?

Date Openly

I find that if someone describes his/her relationship status as ‘single’, s/he most likely means that s/he’s ‘talking’ to people, or openly dating.

The key to successfully and morally dating openly is honesty and respect. If you have multiple partners, and they all think that they’re the “only” one, you are cheating.

Role Reversal

Both Ciara and Beyonce have songs about this topic. Could a man handle a woman who turned the tables on him, and still stick around? I highly doubt it.

Try being secretive, constantly on your phone, and totally ignore your mate when you’re together. He will either passively respond to your behavior, directly confront you, or act as if everything is fine. But really, is it?

 

At one point or another, I’ve found myself in one of these phases, with the same man. Although he won’t overtly sit on his phone and ignore me, the whole concept of social media still warrants a discussion.

 

Closing

 

 

 

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About @jachelle7

looking for an outlet. come share my world. @jachelle7
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