Candace Bushnell is a feministic genius! She’s written works such as Lipstick Jungle, The Carrie Diaries, Trading Up, and most notably Sex & The City.
Set in the 90s and early 2000s, SATC follows the lives of four, uniquely successful New York City women. You may be reading this wondering, what can I possibly have in common with Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha — Manhattan women who would now be in their 50s. Although the show is almost twenty years old, these characters still reign supreme. When watching the show, I oftentimes find myself relating to, and mirroring each of the four ladies.
With over seven years in, I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve broken up. Recently, what I have noticed is the heightened level of effort being brought to the table — from both of us. Before, we would go days, then weeks, and sometimes months without speaking after we had a fallout. Now, it seems like bae’s willing to swallow his pride, thus averting these long gaps of being out of touch.
The other night he asked me a question,
“Would you marry me?”
Laughing out of surprise and somewhat disbelief, I flipped the question, “Would you marry me?”
We are all perfectly imperfect. In some way or another, we do things to cover up or compensate for our shortcomings. Even if we are totally content with ourselves, some of us still have attention-seeking behavior.
Is this a bad thing?
I’d like to consider myself a feminist. Although not always easy, I’d rather uplift and empower my sistren, than use negativity to bring her down. Especially online.
Riddle me this, when you post a picture, what’s your purpose for doing so?
Praise & attention?
Or, do you do it because somehow snapping five pictures, then choosing the seemingly most flattering one to post on a social media app boosts your ego?
Many of the these “insta models” are indeed beautiful. I, too, enjoy taking certain in-the-moment photos, but I have to be much more vigilant about my online persona. So some pictures are left private.
One is Never Enough
At the beginning of one of our many restarts, bae would occasionally send me a picture. Before that, I never received a picture from him. I could tell that the flick was a screenshot from Snapchat, and I couldn’t help but wonder who else was fawning over the picture.
I would have been much more inclined to savor the moment if I knew that the picture was exclusively for me. As to not disrupt his complacency, I replied with a simple emoji and continued with my day.
Sharing is Caring
Don’t get me wrong, I oftentimes find inspiration from some of the photos and videos that I scroll through. There is so much untapped and underrated talent online! (cough)
I’m sure that some of these inspirations have strengthened both my inner-self and my relationships.
Yet, if I find myself spending more than 10 minutes enamored by my IG feed, I have no qualms about pressing the home button and returning to reality.
The surge of social media shows just how many fish there are in the sea. What I’ve learned is to love who loves you. Unconditionally.
One of my favorite Tyler Perry films is Why Did I Get Married? In the film, the all-black cast depicted various relationship states (happily married, soon-to-be-divorced, the affianced…). In one scene, the men discuss the idea of leaving your woman, she who gives you most of what you want, for the woman who can provide you with that which your lady lacks. As far as the movie goes, Mike (the adulterer) realized that the new woman, despite her physical attributes, was no comparison to his ex-wife — flaws and all. But it was too little, too late.
So, what do you do when you find yourself faced with an 80-20 dilemma?
What we must realize, accept, and constantly remind ourselves of is the fact that no relationship is perfect; irregardless of the Instagram flicks that paint the picture of the happy couple — smiling, kissing, and traveling the world. We must always observe the relationships of others with the proverbial grain of salt.
With the surge of social media and online dating, it seems almost impossible to be in a “traditional” relationship. Some years ago, I wrote a Facebook post stating that I could never date a man with social media. In 2017, while this still stands true, a decision like this would leave me with really slim pickings.
So, what’s a twenty-something woman to do?
Some women, and men, may choose to turn a blind-eye to their partner’s online life.
Ever find yourself spending time with your special someone, and instead of conversing with you, s/he’s sitting at the far end of the room, eyes glued to the phone screen, thumb slowly scrolling up and down? I can’t be the only one who’s experienced this.
Instead of speaking up to remind him of your presence, you sit idly by until he’s ready to connect with the real-life human in front of him.
Settling cannot last if you’re trying to be a part of a healthy, long-term relationship.
Playing the role of the “cool girlfriend” is a mask.
Set & Maintain Standards
If you’re in a long-term relationship, it may be difficult to start setting standards out of the blue. It may also be difficult if you’re in an open/non-commited relationship. If you find yourself in the latter situation, I’d urge you to truly evaluate your relationship. Ask yourself, “Is this the person for me?”, “Can I build a future with him?”. I’ve asked myself these questions, and of course there’s a constant battle between my brain and my heart.
This approach would work best for the assertive type. Being assertive grants you a certain level of comfortability during moments when you need to speak your mind.
What’s your main purpose for being so present on social media?
Do you plan on using them forever?
I can’t see myself settling down with someone who gives more conversation and attention to a girl on the internet than to me. Do you have any thoughts?
I’d caution that when having this type of conversation, be sure to know your man. Some may choose to avoid, so be sure to have a face-to-face conversation, as opposed to one through text. Or, he may be the defensive type. Irregardless of his response, what ever he says or does will give you better insight into your relationship.